HARMONY IN HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS (PART 1)

TEN USEFUL TIPS

Relationship skills are difficult to acquire and use on daily basis. They require constant attention. Putting into practice the ten tips given below will definitely put you in touch with your potential as a caring person and enrich your relationships.

1. NO CRITICISM, PLEASE!

· Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

· If you observe human nature in action, wrongdoers blame everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when we are tempted to criticize someone, let us remember that criticism are like homing pigeons. They always return home.

· Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.-Dale Carnegie

· Creativity is so delicate a flower that praise tends to make it bloom, while discouragement often nips it in the bud.

2. SHOW GENUINE INTEREST

· If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people – things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street – both parties benefit. Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy! I am glad to see you.”

· We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how often do we nourish their self-esteem?

Of course, flattery seldom works with discerning people, for it is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail and usually does. In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you into trouble if you pass it on to someone else.

3. SEE FROM THE OTHER PERSON’S POINT OF VIEW

· Dale Carnegie says: “When you go fishing you don’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, you dangle a worm or a grasshopper in from of the fish and say : “wouldn’t you like to have that?”

Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?

So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Remember that whenever you are ever trying to get somebody to do something. If, for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, don’t preach to them, and don’t talk about what you want; but show them how or why cigarettes may keep them from making the basketball team or winning the hundred-yard dash.

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, ,”it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

· A and B are standing on opposite sides of a curved wall. From A’s point of view the wall is concave, while from B’s point of view the wall is convex. From our point of view, we can see that the wall is both concave and convex.

Similarly, when examining a problem or an issue, we should take care to look at it from as many points of view as possible, hoping to gain a more complete view.-Jim Young A Box of Pearls

· When someone expresses some feeling, attitude or belief, our tendency is almost immediately to feel “that’s right,” or “that’s stupid,” “that’s abnormal,” “that’s unreasonable,” “that’s incorrect,” “that’s not nice.” Very rarely do we permit ourselves to understand precisely what the meaning of the statement is to the other person.

4. SMILE

· You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.

You smile is a messenger of your goodwill and brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds.

· Gandhiji used say that you are never dressed properly till you wear a smile.

· A smile is a gently curved line that sets a lot of things straight.

THE VALUE OF A SMILE

A smile costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

And if some people should be too tired to give you a smile, can you leave one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!

-Dale Carnegie

5. BE A GOOD LISTENER

· Not only important personages crave a good listener, but ordinary folk do too. As the Reader’s Digest once said, “Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.”

· Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

· The reason why so many people are poor conversationalists is that they talk about only the things that interest them. Now, that may be deadly boring to others. Reverse the process. Lead the other person into talking about his or her interests or business, his or her golf score, success, children .

· Do that and then listen intently and you will both give and derive pleasure; consequently, you will be considered a good conversationalist even though you may have done very little of the talking.

· Being a rewarding listener is the fundamental skill of being a loving person. Below are some of the reasons.

Knowing Another: Loving another person involves knowing them in their separateness and prizing it. Your listening skills help you to know them on their terms.

Knowing Yourself Listening effectively to the other provides you with valuable information about yourself. Though you may not always like what you hear, remaining open to others gives you the opportunity to grow as a result of the feedback.

Building Trust and Stability in a Relationship: Rewarding listening also builds trust and stability in relationships by helping partners prevent and manage problems. If partners are able to say what they think and feel, misunderstanding are less likely to occur based on misperceptions of each other’s positions.

Bridging Age, Sex and Cultural Differences: If you relate to someone with a different set of life circumstances, by giving a listening ear, the person concerned can greatly assist you in understanding him or her. Similarly, if the person concerned is a rewarding listener to you, together you build bridges rather than walls.